A Horoscope for John the Baptist

Posted on December 5, 2011


This week you will be a voice crying in the wilderness.  By wilderness I mean the urban wilderness, and by crying I mean protesting. You are one of the last keepers of the law and that means you care a great deal about justice. Why must 1% of the populace have the majority of the wealth? Why can’t Herod keep his hands out of the cookie jars of big buisness? And what gives those fascist roman cops the right to mace innocent protestors in the face?

But you know about the coming of the messiah who is a good bit more radical than even you are. And that’s what you proclaim. The trouble is no one’s listening any more.  That’s because the Christ that you’ve been talking about has suddenly arrived. And why listen to talk about the Christ when Christ himself is right there on the banks of Galilee curing leprosy and whatnot?

Suddenly you are obsolete.

But you’ll ask Jesus, “Hey Jesus, can I be one of your disciples? You said I was greater than Elijah. Shouldn’t that be enough to get me in the door?”

And all Christ will say is: “even now the ax has been set at the root of the tree.”

That hurts your feelings; having your own words quoted back to you and in a particularly confounding and parabolic manner.

The law and social justice are much more straight-forward and easier to understand. You’ll go back to Wall Street and rebuke the sins of the rich and powerful. Unfortunately Herod knows ways to get around freedom of speech and he’ll have you arrested for occupying the city square day and night.  “I know my rights,” you‘ll say.

“Who cares about rights any more.” Herod answers. “This is a new era where everyone’s damned already.”

Finally in a stunning and perverse twist, Herod will have your head cut off in exchange for a mere belly dance. However, and this is the real point of this horoscope, what is really being cut off is not your head. What is being cut off is the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  It is the tree of the entire old testament, the very law itself. Your era has ended.


note: you can read more horoscopes i’ve written here

Posted in: Death, theology